Forever Grateful

As a teen, I seldom recognized self confidence and drive to stretch my comfort zone. Reared in a poor family of eight children, college was as far away as graduating with honors. I enjoyed school as grades were above average, however, not stellar. I was shy and not attractive. Skinny, frizzy haired, and in competition with 5 other sisters became a daily challenge.

Added to these common pressures was the sudden death of my father.  Alone and afraid, I entered my sophomore year tentatively. It became a goal to smile each day without panic or anxiety. I failed miserably.

The year was 1967. There were no grief support groups or counselors. I had Momma.  Ever strong, ever a guide, she was my comfort and strength. I seemed oblivious to anyone else’s emotional needs—–other than my own. Sleepless nights and continuous worry consumed me. One particular Sunday night became my reckoning.

Without realization, I was in the throes of a severe panic attack. I assumed I was having a heart attack and ready to die…irrational thoughts for such a pathetic girl. Listening and hugs of reassurance failed. Momma relied on her only source of help, the local emergency room.

Two hours of examination proved nothing amiss. The attending physician ordered intense rest, counseling, and anti-anxiety medication. Momma placed me on half days of school and a visit to the high school counselor, Mr. G.

Meds were consumed as life had become a calm, continuous blur.  Anxiety was held at bay, but irrational thoughts conflicted with the rational. Confidence had rocked my grades and faith to move forward with life. To the rescue, Mr. G.

Soft-spoken and a gentle spirit were Mr. G’s assets. He was the only counselor at our high school of nearly 400 students. We trusted his knowledge and ability to encourage and develop our young minds. It was Momma and Mr. G’s decision that I visit him at least once a week for a marking period. We would discuss my anxiety, problem solve workable solutions, and “plan my future.”

Slowly and rationally, I began to heal from Daddy’s loss. Mr. G offered unquestionable solace to my unhealthy, irrational thoughts. On one particular visit, he suggested I step out of my safe haven of home.  “A school-wide musical is coming together for this spring. Have you thought anything of getting involved with that?” His encouragement seemed to be just what I needed. “Francine, even if you cannot sing, they will need help behind the scenes. Think about it.”

The musical, “Oklahoma,” was a huge success. Three performance were sold out in our small school. I was a proud member of this troupe, serving as Chief Make-up Artist.  To have a title, and ownership to something was encouraging and confidence building. Baby steps to my healing.

Gradually, my grades improved and Honor Roll status returned. I ended the worst year of my life a bit more confident and assured. Additional visits continued with Mr. G.  He had become my champion for positive change and renewal.

Late in my Junior year, Mr. G presented me with an unexpected challenge. “ You know Francie, you are a very smart young lady. Have you thought about college? Your family may not have the means, but I can help you apply for financial aid. Your personal drive is apparent and college is not out of the question for you.”

“Mr. G, I never thought about college. I really don’t think I’m smart enough and the costs are way too much. I don’t think I could do this.” Insecurities and irrational thoughts had returned. Unreachable, I made no effort to take him seriously.

If it were not for the persistence of Mr. G, I honestly do not think I would have gone to college. Mr. G completed applications to take the college entrance exam (ACT), college entrance itself, and financial aid. I was readily accepted to the local university and provided all but $800.00 for my first year!  With acceptable grades, financial aid continued all four years.

For 36 years, I successfully worked with special needs teens with various disabilities. I earned two Master degrees in education, graduating each time with high honors.  Mr. G received a personal thank you each time I moved forward.

This exceptional gentleman continues to be my shining star. He provided the open doors for me to gain personal confidence, a college education, and a secure, productive life. Mr. G has been my rock star!  I am forever grateful to YOU, Mr. G.

LESSONS LEARNED:

Be grateful.  Having a mentor like Mr. G provided me with balance and confidence.

Do not fear help. Identify with peers and/or trusted adults.  Search out support. You are not alone. The rewards are priceless.

Believe in the value others see in you.  Mr. G. saw so much more in my abilities than I ever believed. His honest and candid support provided me an impetus for making a difference with teenagers and their varying abilities.

Thanks again for reading!